Thursday, March 09, 2006
So friends, let's go out for coffee when I get back and I''ll just have to talk your ear off about the church here. In some ways... in some ways, it's reminded me of my first few years in MEIV, when I felt so isolated from other people and so cynical about the group itself. In other ways it makes me feel totally guilty about my spiritual life.
Christians are SO INTENSE here - fasting, praying all night - and it seems like they can't talk about anything but Jesus. which I guess is good. but it's hard because as a researcher, I can't reveal a lot about my own faith (at least until I finish interviewing the Christians, which is SOON God willing), and also hard just because - I don't know. I feel tired. I miss relating to people on a deep level, and if we have to talk about things on a shallower level (as we often do with crosscultural & language barriers plus me not knowing anyone) I'd rather not talk about Jesus. My friend Heba and I used to have a joke - that our mothers would have gotten along because they both thought that things were not Jesus-y enough. Well, things here are just about Jesus-y enough, thank you. I'm so tired of seeing pictures of American evangelists smirking at me from bookshops... shops named "God's Glory hair salon" ... every single street vendor selling bibles.
Wow, I sound cynical, huh? The cynic in me says... who's making money off these bibles? surely not these poor-as-dirt vendors.. bibles piled along side little bags of peanuts... or is Zondervan donating them out of the goodness of its heart? Ii am also a bit suspicious that usaid to uganda - even to the Ugandan church - is partly about political resistance to Islam.
But then I also see amazing things here. I've seen things that make me look at my cynicism... well, cynically. Most of the christians I meet here are so passionate and so sincere. They've gone through some horrible things individually and as a nation - family members and friends have died of Aids - the north of the country has been in a brutal war for 20 years. And they're desperate to see God act in Uganda.
And I see God working. I see real reconciliation among church members (pretty rare in the United States). I see love and forgiveness. I see people helping the poor (even when they themselves are poor - helping the poor-er.)
I don't know. There's a lot I don't understand. There's a lot I don't yet have eyes to see. There's a lot... well, there's a lot of questions that aren't going to get answered any time soon.
Christians are SO INTENSE here - fasting, praying all night - and it seems like they can't talk about anything but Jesus. which I guess is good. but it's hard because as a researcher, I can't reveal a lot about my own faith (at least until I finish interviewing the Christians, which is SOON God willing), and also hard just because - I don't know. I feel tired. I miss relating to people on a deep level, and if we have to talk about things on a shallower level (as we often do with crosscultural & language barriers plus me not knowing anyone) I'd rather not talk about Jesus. My friend Heba and I used to have a joke - that our mothers would have gotten along because they both thought that things were not Jesus-y enough. Well, things here are just about Jesus-y enough, thank you. I'm so tired of seeing pictures of American evangelists smirking at me from bookshops... shops named "God's Glory hair salon" ... every single street vendor selling bibles.
Wow, I sound cynical, huh? The cynic in me says... who's making money off these bibles? surely not these poor-as-dirt vendors.. bibles piled along side little bags of peanuts... or is Zondervan donating them out of the goodness of its heart? Ii am also a bit suspicious that usaid to uganda - even to the Ugandan church - is partly about political resistance to Islam.
But then I also see amazing things here. I've seen things that make me look at my cynicism... well, cynically. Most of the christians I meet here are so passionate and so sincere. They've gone through some horrible things individually and as a nation - family members and friends have died of Aids - the north of the country has been in a brutal war for 20 years. And they're desperate to see God act in Uganda.
And I see God working. I see real reconciliation among church members (pretty rare in the United States). I see love and forgiveness. I see people helping the poor (even when they themselves are poor - helping the poor-er.)
I don't know. There's a lot I don't understand. There's a lot I don't yet have eyes to see. There's a lot... well, there's a lot of questions that aren't going to get answered any time soon.
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